You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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