GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
