Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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