Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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