I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
