i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
