so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize