Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
