finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
