guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
