So its not gay if you have sex with another woman and its academic
so what if I'm having sex with a woman for recreation?
Thats gay
I met the friendliest cop last night
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Who put my cat in the fridge?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
