Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
