quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I need moral support for this bender
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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