Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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