she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
