oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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