Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(201): View more from New Jersey

I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.

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(786): View more from Florida

I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.

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(415): View more from California

It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.

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(404): View more from Georgia

Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?

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(515): View more from Iowa

in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard

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(330): View more from Ohio

apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about

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(727): View more from Florida

I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club

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(803): View more from South Carolina

What the hell was that?

(251): View more from Alabama

Genius. It was sheer genius.

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