I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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