Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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