the condom got lost in my hair
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Ketchup is God's man juice
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
