there's paper in my vomit.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
