I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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