Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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