Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
