I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
