Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
