Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
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