dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
