Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
