the condom got lost in my hair
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
