The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize
