she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
