ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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