Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
