Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
