Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
