oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
