Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
