I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
