can we get nightvision for the apartment?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
