I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
