I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
