I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
