We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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