overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Randomize
