You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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