No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
