So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
