I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
