I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
