I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
BRING THE BAGELS
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
