I like my sex mixed with concussions.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize
