So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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