I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
