"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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