This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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