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i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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