Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
