I am puke
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
