just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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