Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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