I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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