Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
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