Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
