you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Randomize
