im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
