This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
