help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
