She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
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I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
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You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
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